Do you know that you can build a stronger relationship with your children, just by knowing how they want to be loved?
The problem most parents have communicating that they love their children is that they don’t understand how their children experience love.
A knowledge of the languages of love for children may be all you need to build a deep connection with your children…
Read on, and I’ll show you how it works in the next few minutes
I first heard of this concept from the relationship expert Gary Chapman, it was gotten from his book The Five Languages of Love for Children.
Here’s how it works…
‘Every Child has a Language of Love.‘
This simply means that every child has a particular way in which he or she best understands a parent’s love.
Some want to be touched physically, others want gifts, words of affirmation, quality time or acts of service.
Let’s go through each of these languages
Words Of Affirmation
Affirmations are vital to a child’s emotional development. Words are particularly powerful in communicating love.
Words of affection and endearment, words of praise and encouragement, words that give positive guidance all say “I care about you” and they go a long way.
Refrain from using harsh and abusive words on such children.
Ways you can communicate love using words of affirmation
- Put a post-it note in their lunch box with some encouraging words
- Mention specific things you like about your child’s accomplishments or actions
- Send them text messages telling them how much them mean to you
- When your child is down, share reasons why you’re proud of them
PHYSICAL TOUCH
Physical touch communicates love to these children more than words or any other form. This is not to say they can’t receive love in other forms e.g. words or gifts.
However, your message of love is strongest though physical acts e.g. Hugging, a pat on the back etc.
Some ways to express love via physical touch include:
- Sitting close to your child when working on a task, or sitting side-by-side when reading
- Giving lots of hugs, kisses
- Giving pats on the back, holding hands
- Stroke your child’s hair or rub their back
ACTS OF SERVICE
Parenting is basically an act of service. When your child’s primary love language is service, your acts of service will communicate most deeply that you love him/her.
Some ideas for expressing love via physical touch include:
- Help your children practice for their sport
- Help them select their outfit for the day
- Sit and help your child couple a crossword puzzle or solve computer problems
- Create flash cards for your child’s upcoming test or quiz
GIFTS
Giving and receiving gifts is a powerful expression of love.
A true gift is given out of love, not as payment for service(s) rendered.
Simply put, you don’t have to wait until your child achieves a feat before you reward him with a gift.
Giving has little to do with the size or cost of the gift but with the intent behind giving – which should be LOVE
Here are a few ideas for expressing love through giving:
- Be on the lookout for personalized gifts with your child’s name on it.
- Hide a small gift in your child’s lunchbox
- Keep a gift bag of inexpensive gifts your child can choose from when he/she does something positive
- Make a meal you know your child likes
QUALITY TIME
Spending quality time with your children, and giving them your undivided attention makes them feel important.
It becomes more necessary when your child’s primary love language is quality time.
Remember, the activity is not as important as the actual time spent together.
Here are some ways to demonstrate quality time:
- Include them in some of your daily activities such as laundry, cooking etc
- Spend time playing with your children, or doing certain tasks with them
- Schedule a special date for them individually, and let nothing else take its place
- Occasionally take walks, play sports etc.
- Share meals together as a family. Make it a special occasion with lots of talk about daily activities
On a final note…
Every child requires a foundation of love as a prerequisite for development.
It then becomes important to discover your child’s primary love language and speak it, this helps them know you love them, and ultimately helps you build a deep connection with your child.
What are you going to do today to fill your child’s love tank?
